Figuring things out

Family and Friends,

Let me start of by saying how much I miss you all. I usually don't like to linger on the hardships here throughout my posts and e-mails, but it has definitely been a hard month full of doubt, questions and missing awesome events in the US (Decade party, Rock the Bells, or the death of Bernie Mac...hahaha). I don't know how to put it, but it feels like a turning point in my service here. The make or break point. It's been long enough where I feel like I've been here for a while, but not long enough where I know I'll be going home soon. And despite the adventure and awesome things I'm learning, I also learn how important home is, how lucky I am and how much family and friends were the cornerstone of my life.

So like I said before, make or break point. This is important in what I'm doing here. All the things I've been talking about so far have been small projects as I get acquainted with Peace Corps and the Gambia. However, some of teh more exciting projects have not got off the ground, so now I'm getting ancy...I need something to work towards, a goal. So although the same sort of events are occuring I'm trying to put them in the background and try to focus on something that I really want to do. I mean, how often does a man have a chance to really do anything he wants? All they ask is that it helps the village. I'm not sure yet, but right now I'm playing with the idea of music. If I could get a community radio station or start a local group, help local artists put their name out, get drama groups to perform on important topics and roll it all in with some sort of income generation, that would be awesome. It's a work in progress. On a side note, this idea came from a friend who lives in a larger village that has a radio station at her site and she invited to do a show there. I think I will do a hip-hop show featuring songs that can relate to the Gambian life here, such as promotion of self-esteem (think, Blackstar - Brown Skin Lady), learning (KRS-One - You must learn) and love (Lauryn Hill - To Zion).

Another things I'm getting involved in is training of new volunteers. I am also extremely excited about this. I think it's really important for us to have a solid training ground, because it is something so different, exciting, strange and scary that I really wanted to help in this endeavour. So now I am taking on a large role in the training here, albeit a role that will allow me to learn how it works, so that next year I can basically be the one to carry on the torch of knowledge. Getting involved in the administration of Peace Corps is another way I hadn't though about helping. But there is so much potential for growth of our services that it is an exciting prospect to take advantage of.

So, to sum it all up, it's been a difficult month. However, I am trying hard to see it as a growing pain where not only will my character is growing but my understanding of my role here is too. As dad would say, "Suck it up." Or Aaron, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." or "Trudge on" or "No pain no gain." hahahahahaha....oh another thing is that a survival technique I've come up with is to allow myself a large margin of eccentricity. Anyways, hopefully next time we speak I'll be busy with a really awesome project and on my way to enlightenment.

Until then, I love you all and miss you more than a fat kid miss food on a diet.

Alex

What do I say?

I've been slacking on the entries. And really, I'm no good at this blogging thing. Never know what to write. Most people want to know what's going on, and I'm just continuing what I've been doing. But soon I'll go to Dakar, a short break, and then back to the village.

One thing I think about is how will things be when I'm back home. It's fun to think about. Will I have a completely different outlook, and if so, how so? What will my boys (Noah, Jacob, Jordan and Marcus) look like? Big and tall? Marcus talking? And how are the dynamics shifting in all my circles? How will I put myself back in.

My thoughts are like this alot over here. We have time here to think, to sit and watch the clouds, to observe the village on goings. And while I learn alot through my present experience, and strive to live in the present, I also learn alot reflecting on the past. What has my life been up to now and what have I learned from it? How can I use these lessons while I'm here? How can I use syntehsize my lessons from the past and my lessons from the present, to the future?

I've gotten a lot of letters and contact from people back home since my Birthday, and it's made me thoughtful. While you are here, you are faced with yourself more. Your whole self is on display, since it is in a new culture, new environment and you are new to the community. You are forced to face yourself and adapt. You are made to learn what's important to you. Learn to know what is trivial. Learn about how people interact and how you fit in to that interaction, in a new light, which sheds light on what you already knew.

My village is a beautiful place, laid back and friendly. Being here is wonderful. But it also makes you realize how beautiful the US is, what kind of opportunities are there, and the beauty that doesn't take you thousands of miles to enjoy.

I'm not sure if it's being here or a function of maturity, but I'm realizing life is too precious to not enjoy it. The ability to enjoy it is too precious not to enjoy it. And that to enjoy it doesn't take all that much. It can be felt in a Good and Welfare during a Pilam meeting, a Sunday brunch with a friend, dinner with the family, that cool Torrance breeze on a "hot" (I laugh when I think of what I thought of hot) Torrance day, playing video games with my cousins, or just sitting with a fresh brew of coffee and looking at people pass by.

I don't know. Maybe I'm turning into a new ager. Or a hippy. I hope not (to either), but when you slow down life, and have to redefine your reactions to pleasure and pain, it becomes clear that it really is all about the simple things in life. Everything is just icing on the cake.

With that, though I have not detailed anything specific, just my train of thought, I pass.

Alex

Some Awaited Details

Everyone is curious to what my life is really like. I’ve written on tidbits of life here, and gone off on philosophical tangents, but have never really sat down and tried to piece together my life here in The Gambia and explain it in a post.

Is it a life changing experience? Sometimes I feel like nothing has changed, but then I reflect back on the past or home and realize that it feels like nothing has changed because the change has become an everyday part of my life. It has become normal.

My work has been very hodge podge lately. There is the Junior Achievement award, a class teaching entrepreneurial skills to high school students, that I am now technical advisor for. But now I am waiting for the second half of the class to start, called the practical, where students get money to create a business for 6 months, so my time has freed up for now. Then I’m teaching computer classes to a few hospital workers, trying to eventually get them to be able to keep electronic records. I’m also getting involved in a credit union that is trying to be formed combining several villages’ finances and I want to form a class like Junior Achievement for younger students.

But for me, although the job aspect is important, I think the foreground life is my everyday life in the village. I do my job here and there on a looser schedule than we are used to in America, so a lot of my time is going around village and hanging out with people. I wake up in the morning, and usually buy bread and mayonnaise from the local store owner, Abulai. Abulai is becoming one of my friends and we chat it up for a little and next to his bantaba (a bench under a tree). There is another bantaba where a woman who sells meat pies, fish wrapped in flour and deep fried, right next to Abulai and I greet her and chat with her and the women posse for a bit. The women posse include this women, Umi, an older lady, a few girls from the compound close by. Then I usually check on the hospital, and on my way stop by Sarr kunda, a compound where one girl named nene, a four year old who always runs fast as she can with a big smile everytime I come by, lives. She might be my best friend, haha.

So as you can see, much conversation happens, and it continues all day, with hospital staff, family and other compounds. Work happens in between these conversations. I’ve also starting to get involved in village activities from school parties to sowing in the fields. Okay, I’ve only went once to the fields so far and it was to sow peanut (not the hardest thing in the world), but I plan to do more.

So that's life in a nutshell for me. I wish I could just let you see life through my eyes to better communicate all this...

Okay, my time here in the 'big' city is done and I'm back off to my village to start anew, rested and with fresh perspectives.

Magic

Magic exists here. Not the magic of a romantic evening nor the magic of a starry night in the mountains but real, Merlin, sorcery magic. At least that's what it feels like. But it seems that a comprehensive understanding of this place requires one to understand this magic. It wasn't long before I became acquainted with the nuances of culture, the subtle understanding of their life here, but it wasn't until this weekend that I realized a vital key was missing; I didn't believe in real magic. And what exactly it is I don't know and even if I did, I'm not sure I could communicate it fully to someone who had not felt it first hand, but after realizing the magic, it seemed to open a whole new path for me to explore, and whole new understanding of The Gambia. The picture in the beginning of this post, is of the same dancer as the one below. It is a "mangpara," a tranditional dancer, on stilts, that was in my village for celebration.
Another little tidbit is my favorite piece of furniture so far. In a place with no refrigeration, cold drinks is not available. So cold water is filled in these clay pots, called, "Jibada's" and they keep water semi-cold...it is the best investment I've made...and I cover it with my one of a kind, tupac bandana that was bought here in the Gambia:
Congrats to Dr. Law, who graduated not too long ago and to Nikki who will graduate in a couple days. If you haven't seen Law's speech yet, you can see it on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xq-H9MR32Sc

It is times like these, knowing that people I love are going through some of the most important times of their lives that I want to be home the most. I just want to be there and let them know how proud of them I am, how much I admire their accomplishments and how their accomplishments I feel are mine too and that their triumph is a triumph in my life.

Well, aside from revelations of magic and missing the magic of home, I'll end with this. I took a walk on a bush road, alone, and like decided to take a picture of myself, just for your enjoyment.

Enjoy the post, enjoy life and know my spirit is there with all of you for all the times I wish I was there in the physical.

It's been too long

Wow...it's been quite a while since updating this. But with time it seems easier to keep in correspondence directly with people. And when I sit down to write on these things, a million thoughts co ome to fruition and I never have enough time to do them justice. I do implore you to read my blog, but one of my friends here has an awesome blog that he updates more regularly and makes us seem way cooler than I could: stevenchronicles.blogspot.com

Anyways...so an update....wow. Well, I've been just getting acquainted with village life. It doesn't seem like I'm under any stress while I'm out there, but once I get back to Kombo (area where the peace corps office and internet are), I get to relax in an air conditioned room and think, and I feel relief. The people here have a hard life. There is a lot of improvements that can be made, but it's like pushing through mud. They have no luxuries that we have in America, so even relaxing time is characterized by hard wood seats and heat. There are tons of motivated people, but it's hard to stay determined and ambitious because the reality is the opportunities are limited. Even the most educated man here still needs to farm and find ways to make income, despite his skills. The great thing though is that despite these conditions, laughter, love and happiness still exist. Even in desperation people can fine positivity.

As far as my personal experiences, I'm trying to bring some sort of structure to ambiguity. As the Assistant Peace Corps Director (APCD), Gibril likes to say, I'm "Trail Blazing." It's is because I'm basically the first Peace Corps at this site (there was one 15-20 years ago and it was an agriculturist). As cool as this sound, and as awesome as the possibilities are, it is also these possiblities that make my job hard. There is no set structure, no set expectations from the villagers, and no groundwork for me to jump off from. So, that means a lot of assesment, finding out what resources are in the village, what demands there are and the over all village dynamic and relationships. Furthermore, it means defining a Peace Corp relationship with locals and how they fit into the community.

What's great about my village is that it is a big village with a lot of useful institutions in place. A clinic growing to be one of the best in the country, a skills center for women and skill development, schools from nursery to 9th grade, a strong and effective VDC, and a lot of ambitious educated people. So although it was my original thoughts that I'd bring something new and tangible here, the benefits will be reaped from strengthening these institutions first. And if this can be accomplished before 2 years, then I can think about building upon them. But it's been my realization that a lot of places here in The Gambia, and I'm guessing in a lot of developing countries, need the strengthening of these insitutions. Administration. From building an inventory to creating a simple and transparent accounting system. If they can just establish these, the aid going here would be so much more effective. And a field worker, like me, has the most effective means to do this. Further, we can act as a liaison to the western world, because little differences between our cultures that we take for granted, are important when trying to figure out what a donor wants or is expecting. So, for long term progress it's solidfying what is already here first...then bring new help here. Plus, for me, I prefer to help make people more effective than help them find more donation...they can't rely on aid forever.

Culturally it is starting to become second nature, though I still feel the strain of cultural shock. People here are so friendly, and being an American, it's hard for me to just accept kindness, especially from strangers, without a grain of salt. Furthermore, being a foreigner you are treated slightly different and can not always assume the same standards apply to you as to a local. But it's funny because before I left, I thought, "I'm Chinese-Korean-American, I'm used to sticking out as different." But now, I realize how much of an American I was, and how sticking out in America, I'm still an American, here I'm totally foreign. Being here makes me realize improvements that America can do, like the usual rhetoric about wastefulness, but really, it makes me feel so patriotic. Being an American is great and having a country like ours is awesome.

Being a world citizen is trying, but rewarding. Regardless of what I do here, I will always know that the culture in America must retain a feeling of kinship towards the world. We can not remain alien to it. Whatever your thoughts, whether we are obligated to help the world or have absolutely no obligation, we have to aware of our part in the world and the world's part in America. Not are there under utilized resources for America in all parts of the world, but people are just living everyday, just like we are, with the same thoughts and same ambitions that make you see the World, America and even just your own household in a more true light.

And, to all my brothers and friends, I'm still waiting for the period where I come to enlightenment...but I'm realizing the truth that one can not strive towards enlightenment and expect to obtain it. It just happens by living the right way.

And to everyone, my family especially, I love you all so much. Homesickness is grabbing me, but luckily I'm old (and mature?) enough to recognize it and know it'll pass. But you are in my thoughts all the time.

It's weird how much I feel like I'm growing. My friend said made an analogy to drugs...he said you feel like you are learning so much while you are in the drug induced haze, but afterwards you realize that everything is still the same. But I told him, yeah, but later you realize that you actually have changed in subtle ways that are important. So, who knows if I'm a different person, but I think the analogy will hold true. And I've been reading David Law's, "Drunk Sax on Frat Row," a tribute to our college days and realized how much I didn't know I had changed since then. I still believe our core persons never change, but life has so many more angles and perspectives to me...what about after this? Oh well...an experience PCV told me that you come to a place where you live in the present, no longer thinking of the past or future...and that's the time you are finally adapted. Obviously I'm only thinking past and future...I wonder when this present-framed mindset will set in.

Lastly, I write my blogs on the fly, without proofreading so I apologize if my thoughts are confusing and unorganized...at least you know you are reading raw thoughts, straight from my mind, and know that it is as close to an unbiased reading of my feeelings here.

Alex

Thoughts from My Intro to Africa

I sit here now, in the Peace Corps, “transit house,” on my free day, waiting for the final week of training before I officially swear in as a volunteer.

As I ponder what to write, how to communicate my recent experiences and everything that I want to tell all of you, I’m at a lost for words. Not that it isn’t possible to write about things that happened, like trying random bush meat that local children have caught or having to take bucket baths every night, but there is something intangible that words can circle around but never pinpoint. Even before leaving for service, I had heard past stories and experiences from people who had been volunteers but now I am beginning to understand how those stories that amazed me with the thrill of adventure and excitement were but the outer appearance hiding a soul underneath that until I actual walked the path could never be truly understood.

We were always told during training that we would be constantly learning about ourselves. Only now as I have internet, constant water and electricity, shade and an ocean breeze, have I realized just how much that is true. While in the village, constantly being aware of how I act, trying to speak the local language and dealing with new ways of life, my brain did not have too much time to process what was going on. Even now, I’m not sure exactly what I learned about the world or myself, but coming back to the main city and seeing it with new eyes has acted as a measure for change.

The life of a Peace Corps volunteer is not easy. It’s hard to gauge how much stress you are under since here it isn’t the amount of paperwork one has to finish or the amount of tasks ahead, but the constant battle to integrate while dealing with losing the conveniences that sometimes I didn’t realize I depended on to relax. In fact, I didn’t even realize I was stressed until I came back to the big city and breathed a big sigh of relief.

This is not to say that it isn’t fun. Though sometimes it’s hard to remind myself how fun it actually is, there are moments that are amazing. I’ve taken a 25 km walk through the bush, having to swim through swamps and spotting baboons and wild pigs. I’ve been invited by village children to watch them skin a bush animal, which I don’t know the English name, only that is called, “waati dingo.” I’ve also eaten this same animal after it had been cooked by a local women in a tomato sauce (and of course, it was kinda chicken-esque.) I tried to make myself try baboon meat, which I got maybe two pieces down, and decided it wasn’t for me (whether from psychological reasons or that it really just didn’t taste good.) I’ve made friends with other volunteers, Gambians and missionaries. I’ve even had a full fledged Korean meal with a random Korean missionary I met, that most locals thought was my uncle or older brother. With all of this sometimes how cool it is doesn’t hit me until I find myself writing about it later.

So with those initial thoughts that I find myself hard pressed to communicate over the phone, here is some updates on the on goings of my life.

Training village was great, I was still juiced just to be in Africa, which really helped me meet people. I made many good friends, including like three marriage proposals, and have been picking up the language pretty well. Every morning I woke up, watered my garden, and then headed for language class. After lunch I usually hung around my language teacher’s compound and spoke to the village women. These conversations were some of the best. It was a lot like being back in the Choy family. You have to have a thick skin, because all we do is make fun of each other, how useless they are, how their husband is a chicken or the size of their butt. It is all in good fun though, and laughing was great medicine for me. There were a lot of good friends made and it was tough leaving, but now the real deal is coming.

So now we bring ourselves to more recent events. After leaving training village, we left to our site for a short 3 day visit. My family consists of my host brother, his two wives, the mother, kids and a few other male relatives. Everyone is really chill, no rude children and everyone really takes care of me. My house is brand new, having to be remodeled to be up to Peace Corps standards, and this has been a great plus. And technically, my brother’s wives are mine and his kids are mine, so technically I now have two wives and 7 children. I’m sure grandma would be very proud.

As far as my work is concerned, there are a lot of ideas, but nothing too solid. There is a credit union that is all but formed, tomatoes that need a market, a hospital that needs computer training and a school that I haven’t even had a chance to take a close look at. But to assess a communities needs in three days is nearly impossible. But the people seem motivated and there seems to be a lot of activity going on that could be encouraged and developed.

So now, I am enjoying my free day, catching up on the on goings of home and catching up home on my own on goings. People are starting to ask what I need out here, but I’m not quite sure yet, and much of the little necessities can be found here. But as I go into service more, I’m sure needs will arise. General care packages are of course, always welcomed.

First Day Off

Hola everyone. Kairya be? (Mandika...is there peace, or peace be unto you...a saalam aleekum.)

Today we had our first free day, so I spent it sleeping in a bit...9:30 am...and then we went off to the beach. Nothing too crazy yet, the beach reminded me of PV a bit, with the cliffs and all...

Tomorrow we find out which language we will be learning which is exciting. Then comes the hard part...the training village. Until the real action starts...just wanted to say I am feeeling goood and it is exciting to be here.

So far, so AWESOME.

My computer time is limited and there are several people here who need to use the computer...but let me just say I am well, and safe and now in The Gambia. Everything you here about West African friendliness is true. The food so far is amazing, and the weather is beautiful. Until the next time I can blog, everyone take care, I love you and peace.

First Day of Staging

Right now, I am chilling with my roommate right now, Eugene, the only other Asian American guy in my program, a Korean man from Washington State. Oh, by the way...Lagooners....Eugene is a Smash Brothers fanatic...hell yeah. Just got back from a dope bar in DC called, "Marvin," a bar themed by Marvin Gaye's time in Europe. We started the night with dinner, Law, me, Chari and his girl, Krishma. Ended it with my final shot in the US, with Mr. Law...fitting.

But, that's the immediate. I'm sure everyone is wondering how my first day at staging was. It was excellent. As far as the program, we just did some ice breakers, talked about our fears and ambitions, and went over a few important points to cultural immersion. But, what was great is what wasn't explicitly taught. All 16 volunteers in my program are awesome people, friendly and ambitious. After the first day, much of my anxiety is gone and replaced by excitement. It seems that Africa is a laid back place, full of nice people, who know how to live life. I think I'm going to Love Africa.

On a final note, as I should go to sleep since I have to wake up at a decent hour tomorrow, I just want to say that I love everyone. David Law, I know you will be awesome, and I'm counting on you. You too, Wei. Please take care of yourselves, and I'll try to be good about keeping you up to date.

So far, amazing.

Alex

New York New York

Well, it's about 6:45 am here, which means it's about 4 in the morning over in Cali. Woke up for some odd reason, after a night of partying with all the pilams and couldn't fall back asleep. In the few hours that I have been here, New York has already been fabulous...and crazy. I have to go to the store tomorrow to buy another mp3 player, since mine fell out inside a cab tonight. I was so tired, I didn't even notice my headphones hanging by itself out of my sweatshirt until I had gotten up to Andy's apartment on the 26th floor. At first I was frustrated, but it's really no time to get upset about little setbacks now. Oh well, hopefully I can find a nicer one, for cheaper...it's not like I'll have time to spend the money once I leave the country anyways...

As the sun rises a long the atlantic ocean, and I sit in a room filled with young men, with at least 2 snorers, I can't help but let my mind wander to those at home. It's a odd balancing act that I have to accomplish, where I don't want people at home to stop thinking of me, but at the same time, I want them to live their life, irregardless of whether I'm there or not. I guess the former is more of a selfish hope...but then again, the latter makes me feel better about leaving. Really at the end of the day, I know people won't forget about me, but to those who my leaving impacted the most, please take care of yourselves and don't let it affect your happiness. Ego centric? Perhaps, but a true worry of mine.

Nonetheless, life's adventure has begun and I hit the floor running. It wasn't more than 10 minutes before my first gin and tonic was placed before me, and my friends here spoil me...as shown by me waking up a 6, on the couch while most others were on the floor. All's well that ends well.

A little drunk

I am now drunk in New York. But it has made me think of all the people I will miss. Take care of yourselves, and we'll be seeing each other soon.

Thank you everyone.

Hello family and friends.

Well, it happened. We pulled off this weekend. Didn't stay as composed as I would have wanted, but I'm glad that the events this weekend happened the way they did.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and gifts. Glenda, that journal is going to do we very well, my most private thoughts will be written in it. Steve and Becky, thanks for being there...it didn't really become a conscience thought until last night that the problem I have calling you Aunt and Uncle is that you are really an older brother and sister. Oincsters...we have exchanged words...same with pilams...and choysters...it's obvious.

I hope everyone at that party is able to read this, because everyone deserves to know how much it meant to me...it was the only way I could have gone out to Africa in sound spirits. It was the greatest gift that anyone can give and my thanks from the bottom of my heart. For some of you, it will be two years until I see you, others a little less. Either way, you all will be in my mind, body and spirit...we'll be seeing each other soon.

Alex

Final Calm Before the Storm

Well, my contact information is posted here, and hopefully that new e-mail subscription from googlegroups will work well. I tried feedblitz too, but I figured we'll keep everything in the google family. If anyone has any difficulty with using this blog, let me know because I won't have time to diagnose while in Africa. Also, I suggest everyone that wants to be updated through e-mail to subscribe to this blog. Then I don't have to remember everyone to put on an e-mail list, I can just post to this and it'll send to everyone subscribed. As much as I'd love to have the time to write personal e-mails, I have a feeling that it may be difficult to do that.

Well, business out of the way...let's get ready to PARTY. DJL will be spinning at my party...the hottest DJ this side of the Mississippi. So much to do...so little time...as Marvin Gaye says, "Day by day...where are we going?"

Peace, Love, Unity and Respect.

Out pouring of love...

This week, since making my final preparations to leave and people recognizing the imminence of my departure, has been characterized by a lot of heart felt talks, gifts and gestures. It would probably make sense to write this after next weekend, once all the bon voyage activities happen, but by then I may be emotionally overwhelmed or drained. Moreover, this can act as a preemptive measure. Nonetheless, there has been so much love thrown my way from people wishing me well on this next journey, it is necessary to recognize it publicly.

This post was inspired by the last gift I've gotten, from B. A letter addressed, to Alex "Chizzoy" Choy...hahahahahaha....containing a CD. I haven't even listened to it yet. Then the other one of the consturction workers, Craig, who is working on our remodeling left me a Bhodisattva as a traveling charm. All these gifts combined with heartfelt conversations and words of encouragement have all been overwhelming. Thank you everyone. And for all things of this sort about to happen, thank you all in advanced. Because once the pinnacle of this stuff hits, it will be very hard for me to be this composed and write a post that isn't filled with nostalgia.

Man...if these few things are so meaningful to me, how will I handle this next weekend? It's good I thought of this blog though, never was one to pour out my emotions publicly, but it's good practice for Africa. So, for everyone reading this, this will be as truthful of an account as I can handle, so brace yourselves for the best and worst. It will be filled with love, inspiration, excitment, hate, discouragement and sadness all at the same time. I love you all and miss you already.

Down to the wire...

My time of departure is quickly approaching, and it's a trip. There isn't too much for me to do, but at the same time it feels like I have a million things on my plate. Little things like establishing this blog all are adding to the list of things to do. Don't get me wrong, it's an exciting time in my life, but there is so much to do beforehand and because this adventure in front of me is so important I want to make sure all my preparations are planned to a tee. Aaron put it best, I am aiming for an A+ in Peace Corps.

A small tangent to this discussion is 2008 in general. Whether a contrived feeling of impending craziness or not, most people close to me are feeling like 2008 is going to be a year of change, of new beginnings and of high growth. Most people are in a position where their life is beginning to accelerate and my own take is that this is the final acceleration push before we hit the inflection point. But, again as Aaron would have me say, that is neither here nor there. What's important is that we all enjoy the rollercoaster.

There is so much more on my mind, but I have to spend this time getting other parts of my adventure set-up. Well, the blog is ready now. Here we go.